The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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