Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
