i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
