is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
