Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
