You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
