There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
