This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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