i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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