I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
