This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
