Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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