We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
