Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
