ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
