Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
