we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize