woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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