I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
