I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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