my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
