I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
