So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
