I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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