Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had sex bonerless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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