thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
