I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My ass is underappreciated
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
