ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
