turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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