How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
