I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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