I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
