Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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