I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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