My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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