I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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