the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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