Me too!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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