mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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