Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize