We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
