I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
