i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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