fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
