I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
