just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
