highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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