We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
