Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
