Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
