Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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