Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize