Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
