i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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