My liver just broke up with me...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
