Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
