Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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