Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize