her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
