So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
