hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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