i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
