you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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