You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
