I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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