Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
