erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize