She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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