walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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