i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
