I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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