She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
